14 students dead after attempting to complete daily step count during severe thunderstorm

Ryan Cook-

In a shocking display of nature’s raw destructive power, several students were found dead earlier this week after being struck by lightning. While to some this may appear to be a surprising occurrence, many students are seeing this loss as a serious wake-up call. The fad known as “jogging” isn’t exactly new: it has been around since at least 2004. Back then, jogging was seen as a quaint way to have a good time alone as well as with friends. That may sound strange, but it’s true. Modern jogging, however, is seen as one of the fastest and easiest ways to have something to be smug about.

Most fitbit users run outside, though there are a subset of users who do their steps inside the comfort of their homes, or often a large abandoned building. While it’s not technically illegal to accumulate steps on a fitbit indoors on a treadmill or by running in place for several hours, some dedicated fans see it as a form of cheating. “Do you think we haven’t tried different ways to get those steps?” said one especially outspoken student. “I tried taping my fitbit to one of the wheels of my car, and others have tried similar stuff. It just doesn’t work.” The Mayor unveiled a new plan to hopefully prevent similar exercise-related tragedies by paying anyone with a fitbit to just switch to a gluten-free diet already so they can be smug about that instead.